It's Not a Phase, We Don't Want Kids!
(Disclaimer: No moms or dads were hurt during this post)
Enters Living Room.
She plops on the couch and pulls the TV dinner tray stand closer to her that holds a more than normal serving glass of dry red wine. Before sitting she dims the lights, takes a sip and smirks with satisfaction. The covers glide over her lap and she places the laptop in her lap.
She begins to type hesitantly.
I don't want #kids....
Queues "O Fortuna"
It's not a phase. We don't want kids anymore. Let's face it, back in the day, there was a strong appeal to getting married and popping out at least 2 kids by 19. Millennials are not as into this lifestyle as the generation before us. I'd like to think generational ideas of living (sociology) occur in waves with the mindset of the children taking sharp turns in opposite directions as the parents. Let me explain. I'm 27, my mom was married with two kids by 25, had a house, and was
juggling community college at the same time. These days, my peers and I would prefer to climb the financial ladder and skim through apps for their needs. Not saying this is the life or anything, but even those in a committed relationship find that setting and achieving the goals you want just as a couple are only halfway achievable without animals let alone screaming needy children.
I can say for a while I wanted 4 kids.....
........4....what was I thinking? The sight of children makes my ovaries hurt. The crying, the spitting, the running, the constant need for your attention is real! And if you are trying at all to be a decent mom, you WILL give up a lot of yourself to ensure your product at the end of the assembly line of life turns out to be something. What if you screw this kid up? Parents are aware, mostly, that they will make mistakes but sometimes you don't see the product until they have their own and your sitting at Christmas dinner like what in the actual fuck.
There is a definite satisfaction in watching a woman or man take pride in raising their kids. I truly love it, but it's a full time job that deserves more than a "Fuck you mom" or "Dad you only care about your toys". My god, the diapers seem to be the easiest part of it all. But enough of that , the real reasons for not wanting kids these days.
We are much more aware scientifically. We understand budgeting and how it's not easy putting yourself in a nice home, in a safe neighborhood, close to good schools, and your job, and your family, and the bar. HELL we can barely keep groceries, lights, water, rent and the occasional video game budgeted right. It still ends up in a phone call to mom or dad asking for assistance while trying to understand how they did so on a collective household less than your annual salary.
There's a not so PC theory that if all of the well off smart individuals stop having children and leave it to the rest of the population, that we are ultimately killing ourselves. ....Meh, maybe, at least MY kids won't be there! LOL! But seriously, kids are cute but they are not accessories. They are not something you should see as a bucket list item in your life.
Therefore, relieving yourself from such pressures may not be the worst thing in the world. Being a mother or father is not limited to what is biologically yours. Nor does it mean it's limited to adoption or family. A teacher taking care of his/her students and filling in the gaps that exist in their lives will serve as a parental figure whether they want to or not. Same goes for many situations.
If I so choose to embark on such a child baring journey, trust and believe it was something I did not see coming. Keep in mind this is not for the women and men wanting children, this is for the ones who are being asked every Christmas why they don't have any after repeatedly telling everyone they have no interest.
We want to focus on finding true love that makes us question life, experiencing the world and returning home not believing such places could be possible on Earth. Working until we don't feel like it and retiring in a tiny hut on an island. Or eating chips for dinner because we don't feel like being or doing much else. Or drinking at 10am , or packing up and leaving to live somewhere across the globe. Basically, anything but being a parent. #Toast to all of the real parents out there, you are the MVP!
The last thing I'll leave you with on this topic, is that there is also no shame in constantly learning who you are and letting the leaves fall where they may in life. The stigmas we set are enough pressure. Self exploration can be just as fulfilling as a family. ....So stop asking.
the glass is empty.